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Hi, I’m Auto-Melissa. I understand you have a question about the New Condition Certification; I'd be happy to answer your questions.
What are you going to do to my first born child if I'm fibbing about the cushions being in new condition?
Seriously though, what's going to happen if I return cushions in used condition?
Why are you making such a big deal out of this?
If you misrepresent the condition of your return item as new, and if generational karma is a thing, your first born child or the child of a close friend or neighbor will spend time working in retail, where, a few days after every big dance and holiday party, they will be forced to process returns of expensive party dresses with suspicious wine-stains and BO smell, while the customer blithely reports that the item is being returned because “it didn’t fit”.
Whether you believe in karma or not, there is a very real possibility that you will not receive a refund if you return items in used condition. Because, believe it or not, federal and state mattress sanitation and labeling regulations apply to cushions as well. If we see signs that an item is returned in used condition we will be unable to issue a refund, we will be unable to re-sell it; we will recycle it or donate it to charity.
There's nothing worse than pulling a return chair pad out of the box and finding it covered in an inch thick crust of what appears to be spaghetti sauce, dog hair, and mac n cheese. Not only because you just touched it, but also because now you know this customer will have no cushions *and* no refund. It's the worst possible scenario. They would have been better off keeping the cushions or giving them to a friend. Or to the dog, who clearly enjoys them a great deal. It makes us feel bad, and it certainly doesn't make our customer happy. It happens far more often than you'd imagine.